Month: July 2013

As we begin this series, please be mindful that topics discussed are mature in content.  I know some of you share the devotional’s with your children or grandchildren.

1 Corinthians 7:2-5:

2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

 

The above verses speak directly to issues we all face regarding marital intimacy, given the pressures and stresses of life. With school, sport functions, late nights doing homework, summer camps, and sport activities, etc., time to connect as husband and wife all but disappears. Without knowing it, we are now living our lives for our children and in some cases for our grandchildren, impacting our own time to connect with our spouse. The bedroom conversation goes something like this: “You want what? I’m exhausted!”  Another one is:  “You have got to be kidding!”  Then the lights go out.  As this repeats itself, whether it is because of the kids or because of hectic or opposite work schedules, our intimacy with each other is slowly being eroded. It is to our detriment to allow demands and choices we make to crowd out this vital part of our relationship. Intimacy, a combination of physical, emotional, and even spiritual oneness, is a need of the human soul, and we must recognize and acknowledge that. When we get to a point in our marriage that being intimate with our spouse feels strange, then we know we have gone too far.  We have allowed the demands of life to crowd out the heart of our marriage.

 

“The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband.”   Men, as husbands, we must understand that we are sending out our wife into the workforce/world with her deepest needs not being met, making her vulnerable to the attention and compliments of other men.  Women, you, as wives, are sending your husband out into the workforce/world with his needs not being met, making him receptive to the praise and respect of other women. All that really has to happen is for someone to be consistently kind, give us an ear, a few compliments, nothing overt, and we can find emotions in us beginning to develop. Even if we don’t want to have feelings, it is almost guaranteed that feelings will develop—we are all subject to this. There is not one of us who does not respond to someone who is kind, who appreciates us, and who values who we are. This is an inward need we all have. We must turn our hearts to home, cancel karate or dance, skip that PTA meeting, and bring the fever pitch of the home down. Start making dinner at home, eat together as a family, talk to each other, keep the television turned off, listen to music (I personally enjoy Christian music) and end the evening early enough so that there is time to talk and be together.

 

“For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.”  In this day of equality between men and women, this verse does not carry the “shock” that it did when Paul penned it and especially to the congregation to whom it was written. Corinth, the city where the Corinthian church was located, was the Sodom and Gomorrah of Paul’s day. Even by pagan standards, Corinth was the dregs of society. The city was on a major trade route, making it extremely affluent and a magnet for all sorts of crime and violence. Also in Corinth existed the temple of Aphrodite.  Aphrodite was the goddess of love and beauty, and at her temple, there were nightly a thousand temple priestesses (prostitutes), who would come down into the city and practice their trade. Adultery, fornication, and debauchery were common practices in this society. A wife’s role was to bear children and take care of the home. Sexual pleasure came from a man’s concubines, whose children became slaves, and the “priestesses” were for “religious sexual worship.” The view of a woman in this culture can be best summed up in this Jewish prayer: “God, I thank you that I am not a beast of burden, a Gentile, or a woman.” Women had no rights or respect in this society, yet Paul, guided by the Holy Spirit, penned “that a woman had ‘rights’ (power) over her husband’s body.”  This probably went over like a tidal wave. I would not even be surprised that Paul, a devout Jew himself, did not question it at first. Yet God’s Word is God’s Word, and God has always placed a woman next to a man—from man’s side did she come and by his side is she to be: a helpmate. In an over-packed schedule, the purpose of this relationship is lost, and we leave the home emotionally hungry, giving opportunity to outside influences.

 

The only allowance given is for personal devotion to the Lord:  “Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together (sexual intimacy) again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”  I am now in my early fifties, and I have been married to Lisa for 34 years. All successful, long-term relationships, faith-based or not, have found the secret to living together. Yet for me, the blessing of being not only united physically and emotionally, but also in faith, adds another dimension that gives hope, direction, and strength, especially with a family. There is a unity of the spirit that exceeds that of the soul. It’s a “God presence” that blesses the home. In this context, when Paul talked about agreeing for a limited time to devote ourselves to prayer, it sounds like the couple shared a ministry and they agreed to spend their “together time” in prayer and fasting, but only for that predetermined period, and it was for seeking God, not for other reasons.

 

Marriage, especially a good marriage, is not for the weak or faint of heart. It takes commitment, courage, and most of all selflessness, where score is not kept and forgiveness is given. Words like “quit, separation, and divorce,” except for reasons of infidelity or abuse, are not used. If these words are not options, then no matter how difficult the road, a solution will be found or God will give the grace to continue forward. Here is a personal example of how our differences can become our strengths. Lisa and I are opposites in many ways. I am outgoing, like a Labrador, and she is more reserved.  As we go through life together “holding hands,” it is like we are trying to pull the other one to our side of the road, hence the tension, but by doing that, we neither go right, nor do we go left, and guess what?  We go straight.  Our differences and strengths all serve for our “together betterment,” and that is marriage.

Father God,

Thank you for this study in your Word. Help us to understand that we are not in competition with our spouses, but we are a team. As a team, we need to work together with one goal—it is not about the individual but the whole, and the decisions we make are to benefit the whole. If our spouse is not there yet, let us rely on You, Father God.  For in all circumstances, You bring strength and hope. Thank you and Amen.

Move forward in His Grace –

1 Corinthians 7:2-5:

 

2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality (fornication), each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. ³ The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. ⁴ For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. ⁵ Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

 

 

Before we begin, let’s agree that there are two directions. There is God’s way and there is my way or our way, and we must decide whom we will follow.  (By “our way,” I am referencing societal beliefs and/or allowances.)  As mentioned in last week’s Vida, Christianity is not a smorgasbord. To reduce it to such is to directly affect one’s relationship with the Lord, and in effect make what Christianity is all about—living and walking in communion with the Lord and experiencing His peace, joy and love—null and void.  You may disagree, but how do you know what you are missing if you are walking a compromised walk?  Let me explain. God is Holy, and He seeks Holy people.  There is no way any of us can give that to the Lord, so hence the need for Christ’s death and His atonement for us on the Cross.  When we accept what He has done for us, there is what is called the “Great Exchange.”  His righteousness, as God, is attributed to our account, and our sins are placed on Him. Since He is completely righteous and Holy, the sins are atoned for by His blood, just like the Sacrificial Lamb in the Old Testament atoned for one’s sin, or better said, “covered over” the sins of the confessor.

 

There is a huge difference, however, between the Old Testament and the New Testament. The blood of lambs could never sanctify man (to make holy), which is God’s standard. In the New Testament, therefore, Christ became the “Lamb of God that took away the sins of man”—to be sanctified.  Does that mean we do not sin?  No, not at all; but it means that when we do sin and confess and repent of our sins, “they are washed away completely,” not just covered over.  So my relationship to God has now been restored (because sin divides), bringing me back into fellowship with Him. And though there are often consequences to our wrong choices—“for we reap what we sow”—even in the consequences, God is there to help and to guide.  This was not possible in the Old Testament system, but it is completely possible in the New Testament—in Christ—as the believer becomes indwelt by the “paráklētos,” the Greek word for the Holy Spirit which means, “He who comes alongside to aid and to help.”  This is the major difference between the Old and New Testament periods, and it is huge.  For me to walk void of the Holy Spirit’s counsel and aid, without sensing His peace in me or His love for me, would make me feel insecure, unsure, and uncertain, and my faith would become much more a religion of right and wrong, instead of a relationship, where daily I am in communion with my Father.  Also, the ability to love others would be greatly challenged, as I would be operating out of my own strength—not pretty.

 

As we study these verses, bear in mind what I have just said, so that the right understanding is gained.  “But because of the temptation to sexual immorality (fornication), each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.”   Fornication, sex outside of marriage, is just as much practiced in the church as it is outside the church, indicating a huge disconnect about what it means to be Christian.  Here is an example of what we do, spiritually speaking. If you mix enough vinegar in a glass of orange juice, the orange juice will cease to be orange juice and will become a nasty tasting mix of orange juice flavored vinegar.  To practice fornication and claim the name of Christ is to become this vinegar/orange-tasting flavor to God, or it is to become lukewarm, as opposed to a refreshing glass of cool water on a hot day, or pure orange juice, given our example.  Lukewarm is the place we find ourselves when we live a compromised life. We have too much of the world to know what it is to have God’s peace and too much of a God conscience to return to the life from which we came.  It is an in-between existence that is laden with guilt, frustration, and uncertainty—such is “living” in fornication.  When the Bible uses the word, it is not referring to a one-time or two-time event in which one repents and moves forward, guarding one’s self so as not to repeat.  It refers to an unguarded practice where sex is routinely performed, as if one was married.

 

Living together is common and accepted in our culture and practiced from all ages—first-timers to divorcees to seniors, whose spouse has past on but is still seeking companionship and sexual intimacy.  My role is not to debate this but to simply state—to the extent you seek to walk, to know, and to be filled with the goodness and life of God, you should so order your life.  If God’s presence is of value to you and you are practicing fornication, you need to repent of it and get married or separate.  Holiness is holiness and there is no compromising what it is to have or live a sanctified life. (A sanctified life, not a perfect life, means a life where knowing and obeying God is the priority.)  If you are content in continuing to live together, then remain and pray this prayer, “God, cause me to understand that the life you have for me is far better than what I could have on my own.”  Be honest with God.  If you do not understand, then don’t separate because it will not be done with a right heart and will profit you nothing. You will simply be trading one dependence for another, if the desire is not to draw closer to the Lord.

 

Lastly, learn the difference between the emotion of conviction and of condemnation. Conviction is from the Lord. He is convicting us, because He wants us to come to Him and deal with the matter that is keeping us from Him—it is out of love that He convicts. Condemnation, on the other hand, makes us feel ashamed and guilty and puts a heavy ceiling between God and us.  That emotion is from Satan, who does not want us to draw close to God and will use our sins to keep us from Him.  The difficult part is you can feel both emotions at the same time, and you willfully must choose to respond to conviction, or cave and give in to guilt, which is easier, but the effects are much more damaging. Therefore, as the scriptures say in Joshua 24:15, “And if it is evil in your eyes to serve the Lord, choose this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your fathers served in the region beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”  There are two ways—choose one.  Change and hope start with first being honest with yourself.

 

Father God,

Again, our study is difficult, like the making of a diamond.  The beauty and the potential of the diamond are seen by the master, as he skillfully but willfully hits and cuts the diamond until its potential is realized.  Many calculated hits and cuts are required to bring out its beauty. You, Father God, are no different.  We are Your diamonds in the rough, and through Your instruction of living life and the conviction of the Holy Spirit, You “hit and chisel away” all that distorts our worth and beauty in You. Help us to really understand this truth and not listen to the voice of fear, guilt, or insecurity, as we begin to bend our lives in Your direction. Thank you and Amen.

 

Move forward in His Grace – Arthur

As we begin this series, please be mindful that topics discussed are mature in content.  I know some of you share the devotional’s with your children or grandchildren.

Proverbs 5:15-19:

15    Drink water from your own cistern,

flowing water from your own well. (This refers to one’s spouse.)

¹⁶    Should your springs be scattered abroad,

streams of water in the streets? (This refers to man’s sperm and children from an affair.)

¹⁷    Let them be for yourself alone (with your spouse),

and not for strangers with you.

¹⁸    Let your fountain be blessed,

and rejoice in the wife of your youth (This speaks to the longevity that marriage is supposed to be.),

¹⁹       a lovely deer, a graceful doe.

       Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight;

be thou ravished always in her love.

Thank you for your comments on this series. Undoubtedly, hearing another voice on this subject, rather than what the television idol has to say, is refreshing.  Such is truth to our soul. It is not always easy to implement, but as you read the progression from last week’s to this week’s verses, who does not want Verse 19 to be part of their marriage?   For Verse 19 to be true, however, all of the above verses must also be in practice.  We are not just talking about sex on a physical level, but sex in the mind—fantasies as we call them—must end, along with viewing explicit material.  Without addressing the “whole man,” your “physical waters” may be “your own,” but they can be “scattered abroad” in your mind.  Jesus was questioned on the topic of infidelity, and his comment shocked the religious leaders of his day, as I am sure it will rock some of our boats as well.  Jesus said,  “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (vice versa for the ladies) (Matthew 5:27-28).  This verse draws a straight line and raises the bar considerably. There is a saying:  “You can look but don’t touch.” This does not work with Jesus, and it should not be acceptable to us. To look (lust) will in time lead to touch.

 

Christianity is not a smorgasbord where we can pick and choose what we want to believe or obey and justify or ignore the rest.  That is like saying you are 95 percent virgin—you either are or you are not.  This washed-out version of Christianity is the reason many of us have not the power of the Holy Spirit within us.  We have compromised our faith, or we were never truly “Born Again.”  Remember, God is not forcing us to go His way.  We are free to choose. Christianity is by invitation. There is no one coercing us to believe; however, once we publically claim the name of Christ, then by our own profession, the “obligation” to let the truth live through us is there.  Is this to say that we have to walk a perfect line?  No, a thousand times no, but it does mean that both heart and mind, to the best of our understanding, have yielded (surrendered) to the truth we know. Our rightful response, therefore, is to grow our faith, and just like anything else we want to get good at, it requires time and practice. If we view faith like a college class and the Holy Spirit as the teacher, then we need to show up for “class” (personal devotions) with Bible in hand and a readied heart and mind to learn.   You will learn, and change will become evident.  If this foundation of study is not built into us—that it is God’s Grace that CHANGES US as we give Him time—then all of what we are discussing will be set upon sand.  In time, as we try to walk the walk of faith by our own strength, our foundation will crumble. For the temptation to be unfaithful, be it in mind or in body, is beyond the strength of one’s will.  We must become “supernatural” by living in the grace and fullness of the Lord.

 

“Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe.  Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be thou ravished always in her love.”  The language in this is very intimate.  The word “fountain” is symbolic of the man’s penis; to be “blessed” is to confine its use to one’s wife, physically and mentally;  “a lovely deer, a graceful doe” refers to the enticement of the woman’s beauty in marital love; and “let her breasts fill (satisfy) you at all times” means to be drenched, soaked, or to drink to one’s fill (definitions for satisfied).  It gets better:  “Be thou ravished always in her love.”   Ravished means:  “to become intoxicated, to reel, to be under the influence.”   This is strong language, extremely sexual and fully charged with all the heights of human emotion a man or woman has been created to have.  There is such a misconception that God is a puritan in His approach to sex.  It is as if He says, “You can have sex to have children, but shame on you if you have it beyond that.”  As proven by these scriptures, that is so far from the truth; however, as mentioned earlier, for this to occur, the other verses must be active in our lives. By active, I do not mean perfect.  Active means that there is an agreement in us that they are right, and by God’s grace, we are working through our humanness till God’s Grace overcomes our weaknesses.

 

May this study be an encouragement to us but also a strong warning that the enemy is always trying to counterfeit God’s way.  If beauty and sex were a “stand-alone act,” why do all the sexual icons of our day marry and remarry?  Apparently, sex alone is not strong enough to keep two people from divorcing.  We must go deeper, beyond skin, and those of you who have good marriages understand that a lot goes into a relationship so that intimacy is what it was meant to be.  Forgiveness is fundamental; kindness should be routine; and loving friendship needs to be the bond that moves us forward with sex as the reward for it all.  In this context, no extramarital affair can compete. The heart is full.  There is no room or need to look outside of one’s marriage, but it takes work, and first and foremost an active faith, where routine times in the scriptures and prayer renews one’s faith.  Even if our marriages don’t fit these verses, and there could be multiple reasons as to why, be encouraged that as you remain faithful to the Lord, this is the goal and direction He wants for your marriage.  Hang in there!  Give your concerns to God in prayer and trust him and thank him.  The following is an encouraging verse found in Psalms 50:23: “The one who offers thanksgiving as his sacrifice glorifies me; to one who orders his way rightly, I will show the salvation of God.” 

 

Father God,

This is a lot of truth, and it will take time to process, but let’s start at the beginning, making sure of our salvation, or a least admitting to ourselves that we have not fully surrendered to you and start prayerfully working through those obstacles. You love us regardless, and You purchased our salvation “while we were yet sinners.”  How much more are we invited to come before you and work out the obstacles that keep us from fully trusting you?  Let us not fear a God who spread out his arms, abandoning all power and majesty, to demonstrate his undying love for us by receiving our punishment for sin.  Rather, if we are to fear, let us fear not coming to such love. Thank You and Amen.

 

Walk forward into God’s Grace – Arthur