“Say No to Me and Yes to Others” (Father’s Day Poem)
Father’s Day has come and gone. Yet, being a father (as well as being a mother)
is so important, I wanted to write about it. Therefore, although belated, I trust this
will still be meaningful.
What is a father, and what is his contribution to the family? Unfortunately, there
are many men who father children because they can, but they have no clue or
care to fulfill the shoes they have created for themselves. Much, if not all, of the
unraveling of our society—the breakdown of our moral standards and the
disrespect with which we treat others and ourselves—is contributed to this
leadership breakdown. Thank goodness for grandpas who seek to be a loving
role model. The souls of our children are sponges, and they absorb all that is
around them, especially from the home. They are moldable clay that is being
shaped as they mature. Their shape and outcome are a reflection on us, and
there is no two ways about this. The biggest tragedy is to see a father, who was
badly parented as a child, parent his son as he was parented. His dad was badly
parented by his grandfather, who was badly parented by his great grandfather,
who was badly parented by… and years of pain unfold. The cycle of poor
parenting and disrespect for the life in one’s care just continues, affecting more
and more families. Sometimes, the child becoming a man sees this and is able to
make changes in himself stopping the damage. Other times, the damage is so
complete that the spirit of the child has been broken, though the child is now a
man. There is no escaping the damage done without outside intervention. And
the help given is limited, for to change a life, the heart has to be remade. To
remake a heart requires much patience, consistent love, and the working of the
Holy Spirit. Without the Holy Spirit, man’s affect is limited. No one can love as
deep and wash away the hurt of the heart as God can.
To be able to raise my son or daughter with knowledge of respect and value, I
must respect and value myself. Often the love of a child, being so innocent, can
grow that in the parent. Sometimes it works, yet as a general rule, I cannot give
to another that which I do not possess. And since my sense of value, a core
foundation, is formed during my childhood, how do I go back after years of
feeling valueless and rebuild something that is core to my soul? If a father’s love
was missing during those years, a love that would have made me feel important
and valued, how does that love get put back in? And if my father did not love me
or value me, even if my mom did, the hurt and question is still there, “Why can’t
you love me.” So what is a father’s role?
I say No to Me and Yes to Others (family)
When things are tough, work is hard, and others at home still await
I say no to me and yes to others
I find my identity in God, not in work
I seek to give those at home their identity by giving them all of me
When temptation knocks and says
This way is easier
I say no to me and yes to others, as I learn to reach outside myself
I close that door and say no to me and yes to others
Knowing that value is built by the effort that is given
When my soul is filled with doubt and fear
I stand my ground, knowing that others are watching
To a God that knows no fear and has no limits
When all that I have built crumbles before me
And defeat says, “Will you yield”
I say no to me and yes to others
As I find my strength in a God
Who knows not defeat and becomes a strength to others
My character is being formed in the crucible of life
Or does pity for self, and impatience with others, exceed
And how I handle it will be seen
Does my love for others remain true
I must say no to me and yes to others
My true values are seen in the storm
And in the storm, the depth of my words are measured and tested
When I say no to me and yes to others
My words ring true and build a foundation
For others on which to stand and from which to grow
My heart is seen, as I lead the way
Accepting my role to father (or grandfather) a child, who did not ask to be born
My unwavering commitment to my family places value and confidence in them
To do this is to provide a security that neither money nor possessions can give
They may not have the words to express, but internally they know
But by my love, I give him or her a reason to be
They know they are important and loved
Because I say no to me and yes to others
No man is above being human, subject to mistakes and failure, but it is not that
we fail or make mistakes that determines our path, but what we do with these
mistakes and failures. Do they define us and cause us to stop trying, or do they
cause us to acknowledge our need for a Savior. Do we reach beyond ourselves
and rely on a God who is much bigger than us, seeking first and foremost to be
His son by the grace the Cross gives? In the fire the truth is seen. What is that
truth that others see in me; that others see in you? God help us to be men of our
word, even if it hurts.
In whose eyes a vile person is contemned;
But he honoureth them that fear the Lord.
He that sweareth to his own hurt, and changeth not
(Psalm 15:4)(KJV)
Father God,
There is no substitute for a man or woman who seeks to honor You in all they do.
They are like a brook of water that refreshes the lives of those around them and
most profoundly their family. May we be this brook, Lord, watering our family with
love, truth, and guidance. Help us to help them to avoid the pitfalls that would
take them from You. Thank you and Amen.
Move Forward in His Grace – Arthur