Author: Travis Manhart

Thank you for wanting to know more; a hungry soul seeks to be satisfied, a searching soul seeks answers, and an empty soul seeks fulfillment. The LORD is all of this, and more. He is able to nourish our souls, answer our questions, and fulfill us with His presence. There are some foundational truths we must understand first. Many times we come to GOD because we are hurting, fearful, struggling etc., our jobs could be in danger, our marriages and our relationships could be on the edge, or our kids are making wrong choices. We could have suffered the loss of a loved one,  just been told we have cancer or that a love one has only months to live etc.  There are many things that affect us, weaken us and cause us to think about The LORD (GOD and LORD are synonymus). What I am about to say is not easy for me to say, especially when you may be hurting. I will use my own struggles in my marriage to speak for me. Early in my marriage I was not a good husband, I was critical. I was critical of myself, and hence critical of my wife. After several years of this, divorce was becoming a way out for my wife. As a last attempt I asked her to go to counseling with me and she agreed. In counseling the pastor tried hard, but words could not change the root of why I was critical. However, in the last moments the pastor did say something that rocked my boat. He said I was not allowing GOD to love me for just me, I was trying to earn His approval through my actions. Now having already been a Christian for several years, I thought that he was way off and that our meeting was a waste. I pretty much figured that the next day my wife was going to file for a divorce. We drove home, it seemed forever, we didn’t say much, and I was mad at the pastor and GOD, basically saying “Don’t You care about me and our marriage; is this what You want?” Before I could finish the next thought, The LORD broke into my thoughts, and it is just as clear to me now as it was then, and it still brings tears. He simply said, ”He is right, you are not letting Me love you as you are, you are always trying to prove you’re worthy of My love.” When GOD speaks to the human soul, the soul crumbles, and in that moment I had all my motives and reasons for being the “perfect Christian soldier” revealed to me. We want to be loved for something, that’s human, but it’s not that way with the Lord. There is no amount of good deeds we can do to make Him love us more, or conversely, there is no amount of sin we can do to make Him love us less. The Bible says, “While we were yet sinners (in rebellion) Jesus died for us”, He was sacrificed for our sins. His death satisfied the righteous judgement of God’s Holiness . It is like the judge, who one day was forced to render a verdict on his own son; a son that had gone wayward and murdered a man. The judge pronounced the death sentence on him, then stepping away from his podium, taking off his garment, and leaving his gavel, he stepped down. In speaking to the amazed audience he said, as judge I have honored my position and the law, convicting my son fully for his crime; now as his father I will take his place, and my life will become an atonement (to pay in full) for his sins. I will die so he may live….

Once home I went and closed myself in a study room. Alone with GOD, I prayed “GOD, I am a wreck, I feel so worthless, destroying the only thing that mattered to me… If You want to love this wreck, I need Your love, please forgive me for my many sins, and teach me accept Your love for me, and then to give it away”. What happened after that I can’t explain, but my heart changed, it filled with joy, peace, and a knowing that I was loved for me, just as I was, with all my imperfections. I had not known this kind of peace; the striving was gone, the heaviness that I had grown so accustomed to, the guilt, it all left, and for once I felt free. Free to live, to laugh, to accept my short comings, work through my insecurities, and to give that grace to others, first and foremost to Lisa. I stepped out of that room a changed man, into a room with a damaged wife, who had stopped believing that I would ever be different. It took three years to destroy my marriage, and it was seven years till I saw the joy in her eyes that I had seen when we first took our vows; two years for every year I hurt her, and then one more. It’s funny (not ha,ha) in the Bible numbers mean something, and seven is the number for completion. So now I have been married to Lisa 29 years. I love her dearly and we continue to work on our weaknesses by God’s Grace; and combined with two daughters with their own weaknesses, there have been some very challenging times (as I am sure you have had). Yet the man that kneeled and cried out for a love he didn’t possess, found that LOVE to be TRUE (for He is TRUE), and found a strength to not only work on his weaknesses, but to extend love and grace to the family he cared for as well.

Now here is the reason why I shared this with you. Lisa could have walked out, there was no guarantee that she was going to stay. If she had decided to pack her bags and leave, did God fail? We come to God to “fix” our problems, and if He doesn’t…, do we stop believing? This is not Faith, this is us in a very dark moment having tried everything else; we reach for God as a last hope. Can God use hardships to bring us to Him? Sure He can and does, and He did with me, but here is my point. God sent His Son Jesus Christ to the Cross for our sins (an amazing truth) and on that Cross He bore ALL our sins, receiving the full wrath of God’s judgement on Sin. On the Cross Jesus said several very specific things. One of those statements was, “Father forgive them for they know not what they do” (He was interceding for us, His role as High Priest for mankind). Another one took place toward the end when He cried out, no longer using the term Father but instead “My GOD, My God, why have You forsaken me?”. God the Father, for the first and last time, separated Himself from God the Son, while He hung there taking on our sin, and He died. …think about that. The Lord didn’t die for my marriage, He didn’t die because I lost a job, He didn’t die so that my kids would do the right thing, etc. He died for my sin, for your sin, and to restore us back unto the Father. That is why He died. We are separated from Him because of our sin, and He died to bring us “home” to the Father, to grant us fellowship with Him and to give us the gift of Eternal life, that is why He went to the Cross. We must come to terms with that, we must do spiritual business with God. Once we are restored unto Him, we become His child, and the concerns of the child, become the concerns of the Parent. So you’ve got problems, stresses, etc., talk to your Dad, for He gave it all for you, and will He not also come to your aid? I will end in a prayer,

Father thank you for this time, I pray Your words would reach our (my) heart(s). I ask that through my life others will see your Grace and Power to heal and to save. Forgive us (me) of our (my) sins. I accept You Lord Jesus as my Lord and Savior, and Your death on the cross as atonement for my sins. I bend my knee to You, and ask that You would now fill me with Your Holy Spirit, the Spirit of Comfort and Strength. Thank You, teach me to understand Your Bible, to love to spend time reading it, to attend a church that preaches from it, and that teaches me to worship You in song and in prayer. Let me now live my life to honor You, for You and You alone are worthy. Amen.

Welcome to our Holiday edition. One of the beauties of the Holiday season is the traditions that have become part of our lives. I am so pleased that last year’s Christmas edition was read and favored by so many. I received personal comments, as well as emails about how meaningful the article was, encouraging, and bringing positive changes in people’s lives. As a landscaper/writer, it does not get any better than this. So back by popular demand, we are rerunning this article, making only minor changes for clarity’s sake. So please enjoy. Get your coffee or tea, slippers and robe and sit down with me. May the article and its intent be a blessing to you this Christmas/Holiday season and throughout the year.

This article is still about landscaping, but not with plants, trees, soil and boulders, but with encouragement, faith, character and truth. Not our physical yards, but the “yards of our soul.” They also need “tending to.” Like our physical yards, our souls get “weeds” (attitudes), need “pruning” (character development), do well with regular fertilizing (love and encouragement) and need light (truth/faith) to grow and be healthy, to “bloom” with peace and joy, to grow with strength and character. These attributes just don’t come, they need to be cultivated; they need to be practiced. Just like a beautiful and fruitful garden, we need the same care. I want to talk about that care and specifically about character and faith.

I love nature, plants and landscaping. I see so much truth in them that I can apply to daily living. I was having breakfast with a good friend, who is an arborist by profession and we were talking about this very topic, the truths we see in nature. He shared a story with me that his instructor taught him while he was studying for his license. A couple had bought a home in the country and on their new property was a stand of oak trees, beautiful overall, except the first row. The first row was noticeably distorted, rough, shorter and thicker in stock than the trees behind them. So they decided to remove the first row exposing the taller, greener, more beautifully shaped oaks. So with the help of some friends, they cut the distorted oaks down, getting quite a pile of fire wood, which once dried, burned hotter and warming the house more than any of the oak wood they had bought previously. Well as winter is, we get storms and some bring high winds. To the couple and their friends’ surprise they noticed that with each strong storm, some of the branches of the oaks would break, and on occasion a whole tree would come down. This happened for several years until their stand of oaks had been reduced to about half. At this point they thought it best to get help, worried about disease that if not controlled, would soon decimate their beloved oaks.

The instructor took the call and was the one to go out. Upon hear- ing the concern and inspecting the oaks, he asked why the first row of trees were removed, taking note that the stumps were thicker, having tighter growth rings (the yearly growth measurement of any tree) than the other stumps he observed. He also inquired from what direction the winds came from. The couple replied that when they first purchased the home that these oaks were stunted and unsightly, so they removed them to view the more beautiful oaks. They also replied that the winds came from the southwest, understanding then that the first row would have taken the brunt of the winds.

Once hearing this, the instructor gave them an answer they did not expect. The first row of oaks had grown in the presence of the storms, so they grew stouter, more deeply rooted, and their appearance bore the look of many a storm. They were the “guardians” for the rest of the stand, providing a wind barrier, allowing the rest of oaks to grow more uniformly in their protection. Without the pressure of the winds, the roots of the other oaks were shallow, their trunks lacked stoutness, and the branches were long and graceful and not able to bear up against the winds. The instructor said that it would be just a matter of time before all the oaks would come down. He recommended a canopy reduction, reducing the branch weight, fertilization to encourage root growth, and time. The couple was grateful for his time and advice, saddened by how foolish they had been.

When I heard this story it amazed me how close to life this was. I see two obvious truths, the mistake that the couple had made by not consulting an expert prior to removing the oaks, and the importance of that first row of oaks to the rest of the stand. I also have made mistakes like that, feeling hurried and not consulting, and they have cost me.

Currently as a society we are suffering because of financially unsound decisions that started with our mortgages. Our culture has been so prosperous, so trouble-free in general, that we have grown without the need to have caution, believing that we are “entitled” to the “American Dream” that has turned into an “American nightmare” that has affected us all. We grew accustomed to a “Burger King Culture” (have it your way) that provided instant gratification, where bigger is always better, and credit was how we bought our toys. We have lost our way, believing that things and money can “buy” quality of life… and it DOES NOT.

I learned this lesson in Mexico where I spent several summers on mission trips. My equals were happy and content with so little, they spent time talking and laughing, valuing each other, their lives were very simple. I learned that quality of life is internal, found within one’s character. That struggle is not bad; in fact it is necessary for character to develop. To learn to enjoy the things we do have, to be grateful for the things we can afford, and not coveting the “bigger and better” and most importantly to have contentment with thankfulness. How critical are these lessons, how important that we live them out for our children to see.

Now character, as invaluable as it is, has a partner, can you guess? When “married” together it completes the soul, it is faith. I so love faith, and it is not that flowery, whimsical faith that believes that if I smile at the world it will smile back. It helps to smile yes, but I have received my share of frowns as well. Not everyone or every circumstance smiles back, some want to “take you down.” So character when united with faith to me is best likened to that first row of oaks. They grow in the presence of adversity, the winds of trial and testing serve to deepen the roots of faith, developing our character, making us real, and causing us to stand “lean and mean,” readied for the challenges ahead—something that a “satisfy me now” culture severally lacks.

As important as character and faith are, the object of our faith is CRITICAL, and determines our character. Last year my wife shared a particular Bible lesson with me, I cannot remember the story she read, but her comments I wrote down. They were this: “In this broken world you get a ‘junk load of parts’ with which to build your life; and since we live in a broken world, life is not fair. Some people get ‘better parts,’ (more talented, better opportunity, smarter etc.) than we do, but fretting or complaining about it only makes it worse. It gets you nowhere. If anything self pity makes you go backwards in life. Accepting your parts, taking ownership of them, is the birthplace of character. Working with your parts, doing your best, develops your character.

Another comment she made is about the need to have an “other world mindedness.” This is where faith comes in. There is a God who loves me and desires me to know Him. How do I know this aside from the Scriptures (the Bible)? God’s handiwork is evident in all of creation, like a master painter creating his work of art. So He has made creation for our enjoyment, and as a testimony of His presence. As one acknowledges the landscaper behind the landscape, so creation speaks of His Greatness. With each sunrise and sunset, I am reminded of His ability to hold my life together, despite the challenges and pressures I am facing.

What happens if I do not have an “otherworld mindedness,” believing that this life is all there is? There is a saying that speaks to the perspective that one develops when godly faith is not active. It goes like this: “Get all you can, can what you get, and sit on the can.” The problem is no one told us that the bottom can fall out…and then what? When this life is all there is, where does one turn in time of crisis or loss? How important it is to have an “other world minded- ness”, a personal faith in God, a faith that acknowledges the Cross; the Cross, for all its violence and horrific statement of death, is also beautiful. For it so completely speaks of a Savior’s love, and of our need to come to Him and to be made whole! He is bigger than all our problems, and He is able to forgive us our wrongs and restore us unto Himself. The hardships we suffer He can use to develop character and deepen faith in Him, to get our attention –as He sets us on a new course, and grow in us an “other world mindedness,” the hope of Heaven. This helps us put the challenges and hardships of this life in right perspective. As this new faith grows in you, you will take life and yourself less seriously. You will find hope in time of trial, and He will give you courage to face the challenges and fears that seek to “take you down.” I know this to be true- because I am a growing and ever changing testimony of His handiwork. I am far from perfect, yet I find within me a spiritual current, like a determined course of water, quiet yet strong, that is ever growing me into a man of godly faith. So when difficulties come, pressures as we all have and face, I come to Him, as a son to a loving Father, kneeling in prayer making my requests -to Him, spend- ing time in His presence; and in that state, unhurried waiting upon Him, there comes a point that I know He has heard me. I then rise in gratitude knowing that He will work out His will in this matter, not my will, but His. I have learned through the years that His ways are much better, not always understood, but that He can be fully trusted with the very deepest concerns I bare. With burdens removed, I am ready to move forward in this life of faith—having His hope, His strength, His wisdom, His direction, His scriptures, and His LOVE, quickening my steps, as I go forth to face my next giant.

If you would like to know the Lord in this personal way, I invite you to go to my website, go to publications and click on December 10, part 2. Thank you so much for reading, I trust that what I have said has encouraged and challenged you. May you have a blessed Christmas, and thank you for spending your time with me; it means so much, especially this time. God Bless.

For those of you that follow our monthly writings, thank you. Your readership means a lot to me. As you know, each month we have been talking about how we use the interview process to develop a landscape. It takes time and purposeful questions, but by starting off right, we end right. Life is like that. In fact, I am often amazed by how much we are like our gardens.

As a landscaper, it has been my privilege to build relationships with our clients and their families. Over the course of a project, I am blessed to become a friend, at times a counselor or an encourager, and in some cases even “Uncle Arthur” to the children. That is how I come to you today, not as a professional, but as a friend. We will not talk about the gardens we plant, but rather the “garden of our soul.” I will be sharing my faith with you, the beliefs that guide my life.

Like a garden, our souls need tending. We can get weeds (attitudes), need pruning (character development) and we all like water and fertilizer (love and encouragement). Today I want to talk about a weed that can devastate our relationships, be it spouse to spouse, parent to child, friend to friend, neighbor to neighbor, or co-worker to co-worker. In agricultural terms, it would be classified as a “noxious weed,” which means that it is so incredibly invasive and hard to control that it must be eradicated at all cost. It is a weed that if left unchecked could ruin the whole crop. One of the most “noxious soul weeds” is the weed of resentment.

Resentment has one face, but can be sown into our soul through many means because the “seed” is a personal offense. Someone has offended me in speech or action. It could be someone close to me, like a family member or friend, or a co-worker or neighbor, but in one form or another “my rights” were violated. Something was taken that was not given, or injured and not made right. Sometimes people are not even aware that they have offended us. In other cases, the wound is inflicted more purposefully. Either way, we can seek to “pull the weed” or let it spread. In medical terms, we can “treat the wound,” or let it fester. A festering wound is the soil in which resentment becomes a noxious weed.

Webster offers several definitions to describe resentment, including, “exhibiting intense animosity” and “rawness.” If these deeply intense feelings were physical weights on one’s shoulders, it would be like trying to carry 10 pieces of fully packed luggage on our backs, under our arms and for the whole of our life! How inhibiting, and emotionally exhausting that would be, and we definitely would be rubbed raw. At times we may even wonder how the situation got so out of hand. Well just like in gardening, to be inactive is to allow the weeds to be active. Unkindness breeds unkindness and resentment breeds resentment; bitterness breeds bitterness and hatred breeds hatred, and there is no end to it. It is a poison that runs deep and contaminates much beyond the borders of two people. It even affects “non- target relationships” (an agricultural term describing damage done outside the target area). In other words, our resentment hurts others not directly related to the situation, bringing more injury to ourselves and creating barriers to other meaningful relationships. If you are honest with yourself, you know this to be true. Resentment is always there, only a thought away. It makes us snappy, impatient, angry, and in general a pain to be around. We become a burden, instead of a burden lifter; our presence alone becomes a weight to others. Some of us learn to compartmentalize our hurts, and as long as we stay away from that person or thoughts of them, we do alright. At least that’s what we think. In reality, it’s like running a complex software program while working in another; it weighs down the overall performance of the computer. Our souls are no different, emotional energy is being expended.

As “unworthy” a person may be of forgiveness, to not forgive and contaminate or potentially ruin all that could bring you happiness, reward and enjoyment is not wise. Regardless of whether the offender has asked for forgiveness, forgive for your sake. Let the bitterness/resentment stay in the past, why bring it into the present? Allow the love of others to come into your soul, diluting the poison that still remains. Resentment/bitterness only keeps YOU captive, it is much better to engage in life again, for behind the bars of bitterness surely what flicker of life is left will soon go out, leaving only a darkened soul.

I know I’ve said a lot, and I can hear some of you say, “If only I could…” Some wounds that we carry are so deep that they seem impossible to release. I understand, so let me tell you a story that might help. It is a parable that Jesus told. The story involves a ruler and a servant, but it starts with a question from Peter regarding forgiveness. Peter asked Jesus “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” (Peter thought he was being generous.) Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven.” In other words, without number. To illustrate his answer, Jesus told this parable:

“Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents [millions of dollars] was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had to be sold to repay the debt [this was common practice]. The servant fell on his knees before him. Be patient with me, he begged, and I will pay back everything.”

Now, as a side note, the servant’s words are just words in a time of great difficulty. There was no way this servant would ever be able to pay back such an astronomical debt. He was obviously a servant with authority, one of position under the master, but he was a terrible steward of what he was entrusted with, undoubtedly spending the master’s money to his benefit. You might say he was a thief with royal protection, until now that his stewardship is brought into question. Yet, “The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.”

If you’ve never heard the story before, I am sure the master’s response came as a surprise. You would also think that the servant who had been forgiven so much would be a changed man. Let’s see:

“But when the servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii [a few dollars in comparison]. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’he demanded. His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’” The servant refused. Instead, he had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt.

The servant’s hard-heartedness and incredible lack of mercy is incomprehensible. He could not find it in his heart to forgive a fellow servant, an equal; the greatness of his own pardon had not been valued. So when the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything. “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant, ’he said, ‘I canceled all your debt because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you? In anger the master turned him over the jailers until he should pay back all he owed.” The servant’s lack of mercy came back to judge him, and found guilty, he will spend the rest of his days in jail.

So let’s ask some questions. In the story who is the master? The master is God. And who is the servant with the enormous debt? That is us. Finally, who is the other servant? That is our fellow man, whether a spouse, child, co-worker or friend. The point that Jesus was teaching was if God, who is Holy and Just, can see to forgive a repentant heart, who are we to not forgive one another. If the Greater forgives the lesser, should not the lesser forgive his or her equal? Indeed, which of us has not offended, which of us are so much better than the rest that we can stand as judge? As stated, who are we hurting by not forgiving? Only ourselves. How much better it is to forgive! How good it feels to forgive, to release the offense, and seek peace. It’s healing to our inner being, and to the fractured relationship—a fresh breath on life. Why would I want to keep all that poison inside? Would it not be to my betterment to “forgive my fellow servant?” For before a Holy God we all stand guilty. Not one of us is holy, just and without sin. We are all like the servant who owed much more than he could ever repay. Yet, God is willing to forgive us completely.

The Bible teaches that God is not only willing to forgive, but also that He forgets our sins when we confess them unto Him. He who would have every right to keep record does not. In Isaiah chapter 1 verse 18, God speaks tenderly to His people, saying, “Come now, let us reason together,” says the LORD, “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow, though they are red like crimson, they shall be as [white as] wool…” Amazing! The Creator God wanting to come to reason with His creation! Yet as incredible as it is, it is true. The divine mercy He offers is the key to us becoming a more merciful person. For once you experience the graciousness of God, His forgiveness and love for you, you understand how much mercy we all need. Giving the Gift that Heals begins with receiving it, and by receiving it and being changed by it, we in turn are able to extend it.

So let’s get the weed of resentment out of our souls and begin to live life. If you would like to personally know the LORD,and experience spiritual healing, I invite you to go to my website, executivecareinc.com; click on publications and scroll to December 2010 part II. I explain some very critical truths about starting a new life, a journey of a life time.

Thank you so much for spending your time with me. What better way to enjoy your landscape creations and one another, than to know the Creator of All. Have a wonderful Christmas, and if I can be of help do not hesitate to contact me at our website, or call. I will be at the Northern Cal Expo show in January, sharing a booth with Patio Perfections in the Landscapers building. I would love to meet you personally.

God bless- Arthur

For those of you who follow our monthly writings, thank you. Your readership means a lot to me. As you know, each month we have been talking about the challenges we face as landscapers in converting our client’s yard into something that is uniquely theirs and uniquely beautiful. It takes time, thought, questions, and creativity, but by not hurrying the process, the end result are the pictures that I have been pleased to show you. Life is like that. It takes time to raise a child, to be a good spouse, and to develop your skills at work. Also, it takes an act of one’s will to keep moving forward in life and not become trapped in negative emotions.

This year’s Christmas article was a personal challenge for me; not in writing it, but whether to write on a new topic, or because of all the responses from last year, to allow The Gift that Heals to run again. The topic of the article deals with the harder side of life, which is an area that is always difficult, and knowing several people who are right now dealing with this, my decision became clearer. So, allow this article to be like a “diagnostic test” for you to check the health of your soul, for this is one area that can cripple us and rob us of any joy or peace or love of life we might have. And I would prefer us to enjoy the holidays to the fullest and not be hindered. Also, I would invite you to read Part II of this article, Heaven’s Hope, Grace Unmeasured, by going to our website and clicking on publications. Scroll to December and click on Part II. I promise you it will be more than worth the read.

Now let’s get started. As a landscaper, it has been my privilege to build relationships with our clients and their families. Over the course of a project, I am blessed to become a friend, at times a counselor or an encourager, and in some cases even “Uncle Arthur” to the children. That is how I come to you today, not as a professional, but as a friend. We will not talk about the gardens we plant but rather the “garden of our soul.” I will be sharing my faith with you—the beliefs that guide my life.

Like a garden, our souls need tending. We can get weeds (attitudes), we need pruning (character development), and we all like water and fertilizer (love and encouragement). Today, I want to talk about a weed that can devastate our relationships, be it spouse-to-spouse, parent-to-child, friend-to-friend, neighbor-to-neighbor, or coworker-to- coworker. In agricultural terms, it would be classified as a “noxious weed,” which means that it is so incredibly invasive and hard to control that it must be eradicated at all cost. It is a weed that if left unchecked could ruin the whole crop. One of the most “noxious soul weeds” is the weed of resentment.

Resentment has one face, but it can be sown into our soul through many means. The “seed” is a personal offense—someone has offended me in speech or action. It could be someone close to me, like a family member or friend or a coworker or neighbor— but in one form or another “my rights” were violated. Something was taken that was not given or injured and not made right. Sometimes people are not even aware that they have offended us. In other cases, the wound is inflicted more purposefully. Either way, we can seek to “pull the weed” or let it spread. In medical terms, we can “treat the wound” or let it fester. A festering wound is the soil in which resentment becomes a noxious weed.

Webster offers several definitions to describe resentment, including, “exhibiting intense animosity” and “rawness.” If these deeply intense feelings were physical weights on one’s shoulders, it would be like trying to carry ten pieces of fully packed luggage on our backs and under our arms for the whole of our life! How inhibiting and emotionally exhausting that would be, and we definitely would be rubbed raw. At times, we may even wonder how the situation got so out of hand. Well, just like in gardening, to be inactive is to allow the weeds to be active. Unkindness breeds unkindness and resentment breeds resentment; bitterness breeds bitterness and hatred breeds hatred, and there is no end to it. It is a poison that runs deep and contaminates much beyond the borders of two people. It even affects “non-target relationships” (an agricultural term describing damage done outside the target area). In other words, our resentment hurts others not directly related to the situation, bringing more injury to ourselves and creating barriers to other meaningful relationships. If you are honest with yourself, you know this to be true. Resentment is always there, only a thought away. It makes us snappy, impatient, angry, and in general a pain to be around. We become a burden, instead of a burden lifter; our presence alone becomes a weight to others. Some of us learn to compartmentalize our hurts, and as long as we stay away from that person or from thoughts of them, we do alright. At least that’s what we think. In reality, it’s like running a complex software program while working in another; it weighs down the overall performance of the computer. Our souls are no different; emotional energy is being expended.

As “unworthy” a person may be of forgiveness, to not forgive and contaminate or potentially ruin other relationships that could bring you happiness and enjoyment is not wise. Regardless of whether the offender has asked for forgiveness, forgive for your sake. Let the bitterness and resentment stay in the past. Why bring it into the present? Allow the love of others to come into your soul, diluting the poison that still remains. Resentment and bitterness only keep YOU captive. It is much better to engage in life again, for behind the bars of bitterness, surely what flicker of life is left will soon go out, leaving only a darkened soul.

I know I’ve said a lot, and I can hear some of you say, “If only I could…” Some wounds which we carry are so deep, they seem impossible to release. I understand, so let me share with you a story that might help. It is a parable that Jesus told.

The story involves a ruler and a servant, but it starts with a question from Peter regarding forgiveness (Matthew 18:21-35). Peter asked Jesus, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” (Peter thought he was being generous.) Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven.” In other words, there is no limit.

To illustrate his answer, Jesus told this parable: “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents (millions of dollars) was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had to be sold to repay the debt (this was common practice). The servant fell on his knees before him. Be patient with me, he begged, and I will pay back everything.”

Now, as a side note, the servant’s words are just words in a time of great difficulty. There was no way this servant would ever be able to pay back such an astronomical debt. He was obviously a servant with authority, one of position under the master, but he was a terrible steward with what he was entrusted. Undoubtedly, he was spending the master’s money to his benefit. You might say he was a thief with royal protection until now that his stewardship is brought into question. Yet, “The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.”

If you’ve never heard the story before, I am sure the master’s response came as a surprise. You would also think that the servant who had been forgiven so much would be a changed man. Let’s see: “But when the servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii (a few dollars in comparison). He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded. His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’” The servant refused. Instead, he had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt.

The servant’s hard-heartedness and incredible lack of mercy is incomprehensible. He could not find it in his heart to forgive a fellow servant, an equal; the greatness of his own pardon had not been valued. So when the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything. Then the master called the servant in. “You wicked servant,” he said. “I canceled all your debt because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?” In anger the master turned him over the jailers until he should pay back all he owed. The servant’s lack of mercy came back to judge him, and found guilty, he will spend the rest of his days in jail.

So let’s ask some questions. In the story, who is the master? The master is God. And who is the servant with the enormous debt? We are the servant. Finally, who is the other servant? He is our fellow man, whether a spouse, child, coworker or friend. The point that Jesus was teaching was if God, who is Holy and Just can see to forgive a repentant heart, who are we not to forgive one another. If the Greater forgives the lesser, should not the lesser forgive his or her equal? Indeed, which of us has not offended; which of us is so much better than the rest that we can stand as judge? As stated, who are we hurting by not forgiving? We are only hurting ourselves. How much better it is to forgive! How good it feels to forgive, to release the offense, and to seek peace. It’s healing to our inner being and to the fractured relationship—a fresh breath on life. Why would I want to keep all that poison inside? Would it not be to my betterment to “forgive my fellow servant”? For before a Holy God, we all stand guilty. Not one of us is holy, just, and without sin. We are all like the servant who owed much more than he could ever repay. Yet, God is willing to forgive us completely.

The Bible teaches that God is not only willing to forgive, but also that He forgets our sins when we confess them unto Him. He who would have every right to keep record does not. In Isaiah, Chapter 1, Verse 18, God speaks tenderly to His people saying, “Come now, let us reason together, says the LORD: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall be as (white as) wool…” Amazing! The Creator God wants to come to reason with His creation! Yet, as incredible as that is, it is true. The divine mercy He offers is the key to us becoming a more merciful person. For once you experience the graciousness of God and His forgiveness and love for you, you understand how much grace we all need. Giving The Gift that Heals begins with receiving it, and by receiving it and being changed by it, we in turn are able to extend it. So let’s get the weed of resentment out of our souls and begin to live life.

During this Christmas season, instead of discussing landscaping, I am excited to have the opportunity to talk with you about The Giving Of Grace and how it relates to the person inside of us, our Soul, who makes us who we are. The Giving of Grace is so important, yet so neglected, in the hurried lives we live.

In our lives, we fulfill many roles: parent, spouse, manager, fellow employee, neighbor, etc. What defines us is the way we respond to these roles. We are constantly being observed and people get to know us via this medium. We touch lives every day and develop relationships that we value. It is so important that these relationships are positive in nature. However, as you are well aware, conflict is an unfortunate reality. But what causes conflict? Is there a way we can minimize it?

Part of the answer lies in the way we perceive the world around us. We all look at life through an internal lens. That lens has been shaped by our unique personalities, by the way we were raised, and by other significant life experiences. Perhaps you are naturally outgoing, or perhaps you are shy. Maybe your relationship with your parents was healthy, or maybe it was hurtful. You may have been blessed by many good things, or it may seem like your life is full of trials. These things all influence the way you see and interpret events. The same is true of your children, your spouse, your boss and your neighbor, who have each been influenced by personality, upbringing and major life events. This is why two people can hear the same conversation or share a situation and view it completely differently. What is viewed positively by one person may feel entirely negative to another. This is one of the things that causes conflicts, and it is one of reasons why we need to give one another grace.

But what is grace? It’s not a word we use very often, except in reference to prayer before a meal. Is this the grace I mean? No, the grace I am talking about is relational. It acts as a bridge, connecting and reconnecting people. If you are a student of the Scriptures, you know that grace is a word often used to describe God’s dealings with us – a love unmerited and unfortunately oftentimes not appreciated. God grants grace to connect us to Him. To show you what I mean, I am going to use some real-life experiences as examples.

My first story begins with a breakfast I recently shared with my daughter, who is in her mid-twenties. Over the meal, we talked about her work as a manager in a women’s retail store. She was especially concerned about a particular employee, who was responsible for keeping the store neat, dusted and clean. The problem was that the employee wasn’t doing the work as well as it could be done, let alone to the standards of other local outlets of the same store. My daughter already had talked about the problem with her boss and the employee. But the discussion with the employee did not result in improvement. Now my daughter needed to decide what to do about the situation. Should she fire this young woman? It would be reasonable to do so because she was not doing the work she had been hired to do. Nonetheless, I suggested an alternative. Believing that there may be a language barrier, I asked would it possible for this employee to shadow her counterpart at another store. That way she could learn the expectations and routine visually. So instead of getting what she deserved, this young woman was given an unmerited gift—a kind of second chance. Is this grace?

Now let’s look at another very different example. I think we all know people who give to get. In other words, their “kindness” has a hook or expectations attached to it. When what they expect in return is not received, an argument ensues or some form of “discipline” is metered out. Taken to the extreme, conflicts like these can develop into very unhealthy, even toxic relationships. The truth is, to one extent or another, we are all guilty of giving to get. Although we don’t think of it this way, in our secret hearts we often expect a return on our giving. We may even judge the appropriateness of the return, determining whether we are receiving our fair share. Think about the phrase, “I will meet you half way.” If we do not perceive that the other person has come far enough, there is a fall out. Whether the half-way “deal” was a spoken or unspoken expectation, consciously asked for or unconsciously assumed, this kind of giving creates conflict every day between husband wife, boyfriend and girlfriend, parent and child; in essence, in all our relationships. And why do we not “go all the way”? Why only half? Could this be an example of a need for grace?

Let’s examine this a bit more. Aside from the immediate conflict the give-to-get mentality poses,there are three other significant problems. The first is that the give-get equation seems to make sense. If I give to you, shouldn’t you want to give something back to me? After all, I’ve earned it. The second problem is that the giving is at times “announced” through words and/or deeds, but our expectation of receiving something in return oftentimes is hidden. For instance, if you make a special dinner for your husband on his birthday, you probably expect to be thanked for it. You might also expect some amount of praise for your effort. But when you serve him, you don’t say, “Here, my love, I have gone to a great deal of effort to make you this special dinner. Now your job is to show me how much you appreciate my effort by complimenting me on the dinner”. Now a compliment back makes sense, and more times than not your husband is thrilled. But what if very little is said? Maybe his favorite football team is playing, and he takes “your special dinner” to the T.V. room barely saying thank you as he rushes off? What will you do? Whatever action you take, know that it will be because you had an expectation that was not adequately met.

The third problem is that we often don’t realize that we expected something until we do not receive it. We often give believing that we have done so freely, without obligation to or from the receiver. Yet we are secretly disappointed, even upset, when our “free gift” doesn’t produce a return. I speak from personal experience; something that is now an embarrassment to me. In our earlier years of marriage (now married 34 yrs), I was this kind of man – a silent scorekeeper. I knew exactly what I had given, and when my unspoken expectations were not met, there was conflict. Sometimes I would say something, and sometimes the “conflict” was one of silence, where I would just disengage from the relationship (a pity party as I call it now). This response is all too common! Talk about needing grace! My daughter’s employee was facing a language barrier; I on the other hand had a heart barrier.

These two stories help us see the need for grace. Now let’s define it. Grace is an unmerited gift given to benefit another without expecting anything in return. My daughter, for instance, did not expect that the young lady who was not fired would “owe” her anything personally.

Now let me tell you what is amazing about grace, and this is very personal. Some of you will disagree, and that’s okay. We will always remain friends. Like you, I view life through an internal lens. And like you, that lens has been shaped by my personality, my upbringing and other significant life experiences. However, my greatest influence has been the study of the Scriptures (the Bible). It is said, if you want to be great, study great men. I can think of no other study greater than the revelations of God through His Scriptures. I am so grateful to the Lord for the way He is re-shaping me through this study. I now seek to live my life sharing the grace that I have been given. I do not have to keep score anymore. To know God’s grace for me is the greatest gift I can have, and being able to give it to others completes the circle and the purpose for my life. Grace relates to the person inside by completing us. We put a lot of “stuff” inside us to fulfill us, but ultimately, like new clothing becomes old and used, it wears off. If you would like to understand how to experience this grace and to truly know God, then go to my website and under publications read December Part II, Heaven’s Hope, Grace Unmeasured.