“True Strength”

“True Strength” Proverbs 11:

“A gracious woman retaineth honor: and strong men retain riches.” Hopefully I will not step on any of my sisters toes, for that is not at all my intent. This verse brings up a concern that I have wanted to address. Concerns that I believe burden women and my hope, by God’s grace, is to remove those burdens. Let’s understand the verse first. There is a comparison being drawn between a gracious woman and strong men. The better definition of “strong” (ariys) is ruthless,violent, powerful, tyrant type men. Men who take what they want by force. So in context the verse could be read “a gracious women seizes, grasps, maintains and or supports honor, it can even mean rule as with a scepter via her graciousness, as violent men grasps, seize, maintain etc., riches. I find this fascinating that a truly gracious women has the potential to wield as much influence and power as men who conquer other men.

 Graciousness is hard to define because it involves a multitude of words to define it. It is kind, it is a peace maker, it is CONFIDENT ( a major problem in many women), it is guided by principle, it honors others as well as lives a life worthy of honor. In her humility graciousness is seen, and she is guided by Biblical principles. Therefore right is right and wrong is wrong ( but it is not legalistic) and she is not afraid to defend and or fight for truth. Compassion and understanding tempers her and it is a beauty that exceeds the beauty of skin and form, yet at the same time it adorns the outward and draws you in making one feel welcomed and accepted. It is an inner strenght and confidence that is founded on Christ and His graciousness to us. Also it is not limited just to women. A gracious man also engenders respect and fondness and is a welcomed sight in a world of calloused self seeking men. To met one, fully man, but fully caring and respectful towards women and life in general is refreshing.

 However the main point I want to make is this. You women have this influence, this “power of graciousness,” but instead of using it to compete in a man’s world, you instead become like men. I have seen so many women surrender their “woman- ness,” not understanding that they would get so much farther ahead if they retained their identity and become rather a woman of grace. To allow that graciousness to shine in a man’s world you would truly be a rare gem. Confident, kind, attractive, peaceful, trustworthy, etc., what man would not want to do business with you? Instead my experience has been (when women call on me) they either act coy, or are aggressive (man like) and it’s sad. On one hand I am annoyed by their actions but on the other hand I have compassion for them. For I know that they are hurting themselves and do not even realize it. The world and their circumstances have forced them into a mold they were not designed to fill. I have met many, many women but have met only a few in comparison that stand out as being women who understand the power of being a woman of grace.

Why does this happen and why is there such a breakdown in this God intended role for women? As a child a little girl is already more sensitive to life than the little boy. I see this so clearly in my grandchildren. Both are close to the same age but our little girl is so much more sensitive than our little boy. Everything with her is in “3D,” were with our grandson it’s just plain and simple. The need for consistent love is imperative for both, for it builds security which in turn builds confidence. When this does not happen it affects them both, but it seems easier as the boy turns into a man to “muscle through” this lack. Partly because our culture expects this of men. The image we paint of a man is he needs to be strong and self sufficient, he has to “man up,” an expression that fathers say to their little boys. Though I don’t believe this “man up” mentality is as pronounced as it was when I was growing up, for there is no more a “Malboro Man,” it still exists. And this need to “muscle through” is definitely more damaging to women. When they (you) try to “muscle through” this huge deficit of low self esteem, it ends up changing you. By force and need it makes you more “man like;” and most of the time it is unknowingly. Through the course of growing up there are many hurts that damage the inner core of one’s self worth so that “muscling through” happens frequently enough causing a denial to your womanly make up. Much like adding food coloring to water, each drop  changes the water ever so slightly until the last drop the clarity of what the water once was is forgotten. By the time the little girl has become a woman only memories, if that, remain of a distant childhood that once was marked by humming birds and butterflies. The absence of consistent love and therefore the absence of self confidence and security are so hurtful and without these two platforms graciousness doesn’t stand a chance, humanly speaking.

 How can this be corrected?  Since everything I am addressing is based on my observation and therefore is my opinion, the “solution” is also my opinion. I am not commenting based on any books or psychological studies I have read, only the scriptures and my knowledge of how God intended life (us) to be. In raising a child love must be purposeful and special care must be given to little girls whose fathers by nature struggle with being sensitive. When this aspect of a father’s tenderness has been lacking, when the little girl becomes a woman God has to work backwards. He has to address the little girl inside the woman whose insecurities and low self esteem were formed as a child and now plague her as a mature woman.

 This rebuilding of the soul is not easy, even for God. Jesus said “that all those who come to God must believe that He is (that He exists) and is a rewarder of those who seek Him.  There’s several challenging aspects in this statement, starting with “those who come.” Why would I come to God when I would come to my dad I was rejected, or he never had time for me? Our concept of God comes from our father and it takes a lot of work to undo what was done to the heart of a child to heal the woman. It’s like when a tree branch is broken off leaving a jagged end (open wound as we call it), the young tree does not stop growing. It continues to grow and eventually grows around the wound making that point within its structure weak; for the tissues could never connect/heal properly and it is that same way with us. Life continues to push us forward, wounds and all, and we develop coping mechanisms were we seal off or compartmentalize these wounds. We may never acknowledge this but it is done to cop and isolate the hurt. Yet this affects how we are with others  especially in coming to God. This is a huge barrier that so many women struggle with. This is why I believe women become more man like, for they have to muscle through these hurtful emotions and it changes them (you).

Therefore the power of graciousness is never realized for the foundation of security and confidence was never built. Love went M.I.A ( missing in action). The solution is slow and often has to come in the form of brokenness where all the concealed closets and compartmentalization come crashing down. In that desperate hour, as in my hour ( last devotion I shared my story) God does His greatest work. The door of the heart swings open and a cry is sent out to God. Only when we have no place else to turn do we risk being rejected ( for that is why we don’t come to Him)  from a Heavenly Father who is simply longing to embrace us. Our cry is answered by a love that is not only miraculous, but it resets the soul. For now the woman knows that she is loved and confidence and security now have a platform to begin to stand on and grow. Hope has been born.

Father God,

 Thank you for this study. It is a view of my soul that I have never seen. The broken pieces and the parts of my life that were never properly put together affect who I am today. I ask that You would bring healing. That You would help me to not only seek to be loved by You, but to accept that You want to love me as well. You love me because that is who You are, I am not required to earn it or behave a certain way. Help me to want to follow You so that I can experience what it is to have  a relationship with You. Thank you and Amen

Move Forward in His Grace – Arthur