As we begin this series, please be mindful that topics discussed are mature in content. I know some of you share the devotionals with your children or grandchildren.
Proverbs Chapter 5: 1,3,4,8,9,10:
1. My son, be attentive to my wisdom; incline your ear to my understanding
3. For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil,
4. but in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword.
8. Keep your way far from her, and do not go near the door of her house,
9. lest you give your honor to others and your years to the merciless,
10. lest strangers take their fill of your strength, and your labors go to the house of a foreigner
The book of Proverbs, as we have seen, is written as admonishment and as instruction by a father to his sons. In this case, the father is King Solomon of Israel—Israel’s wisest king. As we progress through Proverbs in Chapters 5 and 6, Solomon deals with allurement, passion, sex, the fallout from unfaithfulness, and the benefits of being faithful. This single sin of infidelity alone has destroyed families, putting the children on a dangerous path of not just present pain but future pain as well. Also, the violated spouse not only has his or her pain with which to deal, but the responsibility of picking up the pieces and holding the family together. The fallout of a broken home affects everyone’s self-esteem, making the children especially vulnerable to potentially high risk and just wrong choices, as their emotional base of self-esteem shifts from the home to seeking approval from their peers, as the remaining spouse is simply spread too thin to cover all the needs of the family. This fallout used to be mostly the fault of the husband, but over the past several years, women having affairs have outnumbered men. Maybe some of this increase with woman can be contributed to shows that glamorize an affair and repeatedly condition us to accept infidelity as a “social norm.” (Broken lives should never be accepted as a social norm; this is when you know your society is sick.) So, though the scriptures are written in the masculine gender, they also very much apply to women. So with that said, let’s start.
Verse 1: “My son (or daughter), be attentive to my wisdom; incline your ear to my understanding.” To avoid this kind of destructive sin, it starts right here. To whose wisdom are we going to listen? In that moment, when attraction and desire start to kindle an inward flame, how do we respond? As the moments tick away, turning into minutes, the will weakens and the conscience begins to betray that which it knows to be right, as passion clouds judgment. Action is what is needed—the same action we would take if we saw a vehicle coming towards our child. There is no time to think “what if.” There must be action—a resolve to get the child out of danger—and we must do the same. To be “attentive to” and “incline your ear” means that what has been said has been received and there is no debate. A decision has been made prior, so in the face of temptation, the only decision to be made is when to walk, not if. A resolute decision is made to step away, keeping it professional, not going along with the “word games” that go along with flirtation. You walk away with no “open door or forwarding address.”
Verse 3: “For the lips of a forbidden woman (or man) drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil.” The words we use today are different, but we get the message—she is hot or he is really good looking. The psychology of an affair is complicated, but it starts here—physical attraction. Chemically, we are wired to be attracted to beauty, be it another person, a vehicle or home, an outfit, or a painting. We internally get “turned on,” but why? Why is beauty such an issue with us? I will give you an answer that initially will sound way out in left field, but we were made to worship the “Lord in the Beauty of His Holiness.” From creation, we were meant to worship the Lord, to be fulfilled with His love. In his completeness, we are made whole. In the absence of this, we are emotionally hungry. Empty would be another word, or spiritually void of God’s love, which has a direct affect on our self-esteem. And just like our kids take risks because of a broken home, we take risks because our lives are broken, spiritually void of the worship/love relationship we were created to have. I know I just jumped over a whole bunch of Biblical teaching to draw these conclusions, but ask yourself this: “Why are you (we) attracted to beauty? The attraction is deep because of the length and the risks we are willing to go to attain it. Could it be in lieu of worshipping the Lord—that this person or thing becomes an object of worship for us? We believe that he, she, or it can fulfill us. That would explain the risks we take, whether it is going into debt to buy a car we can’t afford so our self-esteem is built up or ending up in an affair that initially meets our need, though it is at the expense of our family. Logically, who would do that? Logic, however, is not what is used here. Emotional hunger, if it is deep enough, wins every time.
Verses 4, 8, 9 & 10: “but in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword. Keep your way far from her, and do not go near the door of her house, lest you give your honor to others and your years to the merciless, lest strangers take their fill of your strength, and your labors go to the house of a foreigner.” I once got into an argument with an Army recruiter, who was trying to recruit my newly turned 18-year-old daughter. I was about as angry as I have ever been, but I kept control, more so than he did, as he accused me of not knowing what “honor” was, after I told him his actions of not consulting the parents, regardless of what the law permitted, was not honorable. My response to his mocking accusation silenced him. Honor is when a man or women does the right thing, even to his or her own hurt. (This actually is a verse in Proverbs.) So what has happened to honor? It used to be that whether the actions of another were right or wrong, I respected myself enough to do the right thing. And when is it someone else’s responsibility to make me happy? Is that not the justification we use: “They no longer make me happy.” What has happened to us that we have become so empty of virtue? Has honor been trampled in the streets? Has truth become overrun by lies that mask as truth? Verse 4 says: “but in the end she is bitter as wormwood”(an extremely bitter remedy used in ancient days to kill intestinal worms) and“sharp as a two-edged sword”? (The implication is that it cuts on both ends, causing severe bleeding and or death.) The remedy is: “Keep your way far from her (or him), and do not go near the door of her house, lest you give your honor to others and your years to the merciless, lest strangers take their fill of your strength, and your labors go to the house of a foreigner.” View him or her as another empty human being, who is caught in the same web of lies in which you are becoming entangled. Unless action is taken, you will become both a victim and a perpetrator of the same cruel lie that has destroyed both reputation and wealth of a long line of people who decided to live “life” their way.
Father God,
There is no way to deal gently with such destruction. It is a cancer that lies within us, and if given freedom, will consume and kill all manner of honor, love, joy, and peace. For us to believe otherwise only testifies to the fact of how conditioned and calloused we have become. Forgive us Father, for only in You is there any ray of hope to right the great wrong that has been done, whether we are the cause or the victim.
Thank you and Amen.
May God help us – Arthur